I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
