Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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