The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
