Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
