i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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