I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
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so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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