I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me