I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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