the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
