i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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