she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Drunk is not a location!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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