so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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