just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
