I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize