I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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