Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
another moral hangover. fuck.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
