Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
