can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
