Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
