The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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