mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
