you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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