I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
