you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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