I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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