dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
