if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
