Your tits are I can't wait for
this beer tastes like vomit already
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
