i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
