yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
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I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
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We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
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