after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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