There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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