fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
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