I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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