hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
