My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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