YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Boobs are out for the taking
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
