She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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