You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
