fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize