Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
