i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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