FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i think i have two assholes
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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