I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
