oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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