she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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