how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
