Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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