birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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