I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
When are your genitals available?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
