You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
