Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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