you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
