How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
