You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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