return my video game
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
