I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
