I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
