that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
