there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
