Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
