dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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