Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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