Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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