It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
