did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
