I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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