Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
So squirting runs in the family.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
