what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
