Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Sorry my hands just texted you
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
