Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
