I think my fart just growled at me.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
