It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
