Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
