she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Terrible idea I love it
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
