If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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