how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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