A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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