i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
